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Vol. 1 No. 1Jussi from Finland: “For your next book, I would like to see Nancy Loomis (“Halloween,” “Assault on Precinct 13”). Is that possible?”Well, Jussi, anything is possible…but in her case, no (only because I can't locate her). I can definitely tell you that Roseanne Katon is in Book Two, which has absolutely nothing to do with Nancy. Roseanne, I'm sure you know, starred in “The Muthers,” “Lunch Wagon,” “The Swinging Cheerleaders” and “Ebony, Ivory and Jade,” among others.
Grant from Ontario, Canada: “Have you received my letter?”Yes, obviously. But as I said before, I've been busy. I really appreciate you writing and again I'm sorry it took so long for a reply.
Scott of Tucson, AZ: “Will you do more appearances on Rhonda Shear's ‘Up All Night’?”Scott, I had a lot of fun doing Rhonda's show. If she asks me, I'd love to visit her again.
Wayne of Oak Ridge, TN: “I was a little disappointed in the photo layout of Invasion of the B-Girls. I would like to have seen color photos.”Hey, Wayne, what can I say? I tried. But the publisher wanted to print it in black-and-white. Maybe the next one will have some color pictures, but no promises. Also, I was working with photos that the women supplied me with. Sometimes it works and, sometimes…well, you get the idea.
Simon from England didn't exactly ask a question, but had a lot of comments, some similar to Wayne of Tennessee.Simon informed me that he thinks the unidentified P.R. man in the “Return of the Living Dead” cast photo was actually Scot W. Holton. I still don't know for sure but I appreciate the help. Simon, your suggestions are duely noted and, if possible, will be applied on the sequel.
Harvey of Amelia, OH, wrote saying (among other things) that I spelled Dave DeCoteau's name wrong.You were absolutely right. For the record, the above spelling is correct. I got a few other names wrong in the book and I've called all those people to apologize profusely. Hopefully, I will be forgiven.
Allen of Indianapolis, IN: “Do you have a fan club?”Yes, Allen there is a fan club, and you're reading its Newsletter right now. Thanks for watching me in “Roots of Evil.” Was there a happy ending? I've never seen it.
Yvan of Orleans, France, asks for more information on the ladies featured in Invasion of the B-Girls, i.e. direct mailing addresses and fan club information.Yvan, I would love to supply you with that information but, at the time we went to press, most of the ladies did not have fan clubs. In the meantime, I try to forward all letters sent to me…a bit late at times, perhaps, but I do my best.
Mark in Lincoln, NB: “What was your favorite project?”Mark, I would have to say…anything that pays(laughing). Aside from that, probably “Return of the Living Dead.” I can sit through it! That, to me, is a barometer of a good movie. Speaking of Barometers, pretty cold in Nebraska, huh?
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Vol. 1 No. 2Dan of Columbia, SC: “I went down to my local video store to rent “Party Camp” and, much to my horror, they didn't have a copy. Should I boycott this store?”Yes, Dan, get a petition and flood all the video stores in your area, screaming the injustices of not owning “Party Camp” or any other Jewel Shepard movie. I like that.
Mark of Little Silver, NJ: “Have you wrapped (that's movie talk) “Hollywood Hot Tubs III” yet?”Well, Mark, being that this is Hollywood and not some traditional business, we—uh, had “creative differences.” Yeah, that's the word. So I wouldn't hold my breath or start flooding my video store with petitions.
Brian of Van Buren, AR: “What are the names of the episodes you did for “Charlie's Angels” and “Starsky and Hutch”?”Shoot, Brian, that was a long time ago. I don't even remember the names of the episodes that I did of “Knot's Landing” and I was on that for a year.
Frank of Staten Island, NY: “I have a two part question: One, can the TV appearances you mentioned in the first Newsletter be compiled on tape and made available? Second, can you pass along some information to your friend Felicia Michaels for me?”The answer to number one is yes, I believe, I can make the entire shows available. I'm getting the rights cleared as you read this so, maybe by the next Newsletter, I'll have something to announce. Second, Felicia, alas, does not have a fan club, but she does have a Fox TV pilot called “Hollywood Blvd” (the comedy) airing sometime in the fall! If it's successful – and I'm sure it will be – she'll have a series and one hell of a fan club.
Allan of Carrollton, TX: “Do you have any information on any future B-Girl trading cards?”Well, Allan, Topps and I are currently in talks about it but, as you know everything moves at a snails pace and Topps is swamped with “Jurassic Park” and “Dracula,” as I'm sure you are aware.
Bob of St. Pete, FL: “Are you a sports fan and, if so, what sport?”Well actually, Bob, I have a funny story to tell you. It was the World Series play-off, the Dodgers against Oakland, bottom of the ninth. Kirk Gibson had hobbled up to the plate and now is at bat. The bases are loaded: three balls, two strikes. I have dugout seats, right behind home plate. I figure there is not a chance in hell that Kirk is going to hit this ball and the stadium was packed. I turn around to face my friends, wanting of course to leave to beat the traffic, when all of a sudden the crowd roars, my friends mouths hang open, and I'm screaming, “What? What?” I turn, only to see Kirk hobble around the bases to home plate. I had the best seat for the best home run ever…and I wound up watching the Instant Replay, just like millions of others across the nation, only I was there in front of home plate. Pretty sad, huh? But my favorite sports are Surfing and Bass Fishing.
Bob of Noblesville, IN: “What do you prefer more, acting or modeling?”Well, Bob, a model's career is usually over by the time she's twenty-four, so that leaves me with acting and for women that lasts until you'relooking too old to be an ingenue and too young to be a character actress. So I have six months left as an actress. Just kidding. I love acting. I just wish I could do more of it.
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Vol. 1 No. 3Eduardo Hevia of Spain asks so many questions that it would take ten pages to answer, so I'll just answer a few…The first question is about a film called “Kidnapper Girls Agency” starring Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer and he would like to know if that is a “Boob War?”Well, Eduardo, since I never heard of the movie, I decided to call Linnea and ask her…and you stumped her because she never heard of it, either. She made “Nightmare Sisters” with Brinke and Michelle and that certainly wasn't a boob war.
Also, Eduardo sent me the April edition of a Spanish magazine called Interviu saying I might enjoy the article about me though, he says, it has many mistakes. He goes on to wonder what do I think of the write-up?Eduardo, how can I tell you what I think if you didn't translate? I guess I'll never know how inaccurate the article is…it probably says I won an Academy Award and ran off with Tom Cruise…
Ulrich Sommer of Germany wrote me a long letter asking a great many questions also. He wanted to know why I didn't have filmographies somewhere in Invasion of the B-Girls.I'll tell you why, Ulrich. I sat around my house asking myself that very question and since I didn't have a good answer I asked some of the girls what they thought about that and many of them didn't want to mention all the movies for the simple reason that quite a few of their movies were so bad that they felt they should be buried in B-movie hell. Rest their souls.
Ulrich wanted to know where “Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama” is? Is there such a place? He also added that he didn't think he would fit in.Ulrich, my friend…if you have the right mental attitude, any place can be a “Slimeball Bowl-a-Rama” and you can certainly fit in.
Joe Maldonado of Goleta, CA: “What types of films do you like…action or comedy?”I've seen “The Taking of Pelham 123” (with Walter Matthau) six times, “Dragon; The Bruce Lee Story,” three times, “L.A. Story” many times (only because it seems to be on cable every minute of the day) but, mostly, the kind of movie I like is the kind with Jewel Shepard in it. Any movie with Jewel Shepard in it. (Seconded! -ed.)
Bill Hunt of Covina, CA: “What do you think of those books called The Bare Facts which list movies on everyone and the precise moment the actress or actor takes off his clothes in each movie?”Bill, I have mixed feelings on that. For starters, I have all three editions and I look up my friends and laugh at the quotes next to each film. But, of course, when my friends point out how funny the quotes about me are, I don't find them all that humorous. It seems weird that people would actually fast forward to the topless scene and then zip to the next nudie scene without paying attention to the story. On the other hand, I can tell you that I have no idea what “Dances With Wolves” is about but I do know that Kevin Costner is naked on the prairie at 32:01 minutes into the film.
Lastly everybody wants to know: “How do I write to Traci Lords?”So I called her up…and the number that I have for her has been disconnected. So if anyone sees her, tell her Jewel says hello.
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Vol. 1 No. 4Gunnar Friden of Sweden: “Why didn't you include recent photos of some of the older actresses in your book Invasion of the B-Girls?”Well, Gunnar, it's like this…recently fans tracked down world famous pin-up model Bettie Page. But though they're happy she's alive and well, most of her fans don't want to see her and spoil their memories of the young and beautiful Bettie Page. And maybe some actresses would prefer that their fans only know them from their more photogenic days.
Mark Adams of Lincoln, NB: “Who were your favorite co-stars you have worked with and who was your favorite director? Also, do you have plans to direct some day?”Gee, Mark, that's tough to answer because I've been fortunate to work with so many good ones and because I don't want to get the bad ones mad at me for not mentioning them. I'm easing my way into the director's chair with my new home video (available in this issue). I'm finding it rougher over on that side of the camera but at least you don't have to take that many showers with everyone watching.
Jonathan DeGraca of San Diego, CA: “What happened to the survivors in ‘Return of the Living Dead’ after the warhead hit the middle of town?”We all got nuked, Jonathan. Most of us died and the rest of us underwent grotesque, horrible transformations to become the most loathsome, dangerous creatures to walk the earth today. That's right…we became lawyers!
Rene Reyes of Cambridge, MA: “Can you give me some advice on summer jobs in the film industry?”Well, Rene, it's tough. It seems like every restaurant I go into, the waiters and waitresses all have that look of out-of-work actors and writers. I wouldn't advise anyone to move to Los Angeles to seek work in the film industry unless they have a terrific “in” or a lot of savings to live off.
Matthew Forgit of New Hampton, NY: “What kinds of things do you like, for instance, food, musicians, etc.?”I like low-fat bass players, Matthew.
Jussi Tuovinen of Finland: “Do you have any plans to go into politics? Isn't there a natural progression from Hollywood to the White House?”Hey, if America can elect the guy who starred in “Bedtime for Bonzo,” can they say no to the gal from “Hollywood Hot Tubs?” I have a much better memory than Reagan (I know my name and everything) and I can even talk while Nancy drinks a glass of water.
This month's award for the most questions from a member of Shepard's Flock goes to Rick Christmas of Camarillo, CA. Rick sent all these questions, which I will now attempt to answer… 1. “If you had your choice of movie roles, what role would you choose and why?”I don't know. Meg Ryan and Demi Moore seem to get all the roles I want…except that I don't want to be pregnant on the cover of Vanity Fair. I have an actress friend who has always felt she was destined to play Abraham Lincoln. This dates back to her days at high school when every guy would take a shot at her in the balcony.
2. “Had you not become a world-famous actress/author, what would you be doing now?”Writing a newsletter with no subscribers.
3. “After you receive your Academy Award, will you deny your “B-Girl” days?”No, I'll be proud of them. In fact, I may lobby the Academy to start a category for them…“Best Performance by an Actress in a Wet T-Shirt.”
4. “Do you like men with tattoos?”No, I don't like staying up all night, looking at the pictures.
5. “Do you believe in alien abductions?”Yes, I believe in alien abductions.
6. “Have you ever seen Sigfried and Roy's Las Vegas show?”Sure. Why do you think I believe in alien abductions?
7. “You always have a great tan, do you lay out or use a booth?”A booth. The place I go offers telephones, good music, a lobster dinner (probably cooked under the same lamps) and a lot of cute guys.
8. “If Elvis isn't dead, would you make a movie with him?”Well, first they'd have to dig him up and hose him down. But sure, I would. (I actually believe the theory that Elvis isn't dead. The only reason no one has seen him for years is that he's been a regular on the Chevy Chase Show.)
9. “Are you superstitious?”No, I'm not. Knock wood.
See you next time everyone! |
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Vol. 1 No. 5Wow, I'd forgotten that issue 5 of Jewel's Newsletter was mostly talking about letters she'd received. Only one question.Skip Joens of Des Moines, IA: “How do you stay in such great shape? Please let us in on your diet.”Well, Skip, here's the answer. The alarm goes off at seven a.m., scaring me half to death…I jump out of bed, banging into the book cases, stuff myself into my sweatpants and jump into the truck, speeding all the way to Gold's Gym, where I sweat for two hours every day without fail, including holidays. All that, just so I can go to the supermarket to eat Laughing Cow Cheese. No wonder the cow laughs.
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Vol. 1 No. 6Rats! Issue 6 was the earthquake issue and had ZERO questions in Jewel's Mailbox. |
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Vol. 1 No. 7Mark Albrektsen of Durban, South Africa: “Please mention me in your newsletter…“Surfer out of Africa.””Okay, Mark. Now what?
C.R. Jones of Rolling Hills, TX: “Vote Democrat! Vote Freedom! Vote Liberty! I'm serious about this.”I voted for Bill Clinton and I hope he doesn't prove to be as big a disappointment as he sometimes seems to be heading. I am sick of hearing politicians who supported Ronald “Nap-time” Reagan and George “Iran-Contra” Bush (and who now are behind Ollie “the drug salesman” North) criticizing Clinton's morality. I had a lot of hope for Clinton and I hope it doesn't prove to be misplaced. I don't see anyone else out there I can even get behind that much.
Jeff Whitman of Nashville, TN; “Could you please consider putting out your newsletter more regularly? Say, like monthly or bi-monthly? So, come on Jewel!! Quit torturing your fans and let us hear from you more frequently. Money is no object!”Oh, sure…you'd like that. A monthly newsletter? Why stop there, Jeff? How about a weekly one? Or daily? I could tell you what I had for breakfast each morning, where I went shopping, everything I did all day! No, I appreciate you wanting more and maybe I can get it out a little more often. But if you want to see more newsletters, folks, help me out! Send in letters to print and questions to answer. While you're at it, order some photos or something. I purposely didn't price my newsletter as high as some of them because I didn't want to feel like I was exploiting my fans.
Martin D. Maola of Palos Heights, IL: “Do you or does the Fan Club have an E-Mail or fax address?”Not yet but I have a modem and if I can figure out how to hook it up, maybe I can get on-line in time for the twenty-first century! (And she's almost there guys! ;-) -ed.)
D.L. Prunkard of Emmetsburg, IA: “Do you actually have girlfriends with large breasts and tiny bikinis?” (Probably the all-time question award winner here, folks! -ed.)Sure. Doesn't everybody?
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Vol. 1 No. 8Rats again! Issue 8 was taken up by a rather vivid dream of movie stardom. |
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Vol. 1 No. 9Chuck Sowards asks: "I've just started a serious hunt for your movie "Christina." Can you give me any information?"Chuck, does your hunt include travelling long distances? I hear there is a Karaoke bar in Tokyo that plays "Christina" as background filler. Honest. Other than that, all I can say is that it's a Playboy-owned flick so write their video division. In fact, let's start a write-in campaign asking for a video release.
Harold Reynolds asks: "Have you been profiled in any other noteworthy magazines besides Premiere?"Noteworthy? Don't you think the Jewel Shepard Fan Club Newsletter is noteworthy? Well, in case you don't, I've compiled a list of other magazines that have done articles about yours truly. You'll find it elsewhere in this issue. See the list here.
Frank Troise asks: "Whatever happened to the Felicia Michaels Show mentioned in Newsletter #2?"For those of you who missed newsletter #2, Felicia Michaels is a comedienne-friend of mine who was on the TV show, "Full House" and who tours with her wonderful stand-up act. And I know none of you guys would care about such things but she also posed for a photo spread for Playboy a year or so ago. Anyway, she shot a pilot for her own series on Fox but…alas, it was not meant to be. Other studios are after her (also, men who read Playboy) and I am confident she'll have her own series soon.
Derwin Mak asks: "When is Totally Live Nude Girls going to be published?"I wish I knew, Derwin. I wish I knew. Can you believe there are actually some publishers out there who would rather publish the works of Stephen King and James Clavell than Jewel Shepard? Well, we're still dickering is all I can say...and I also may have to find a new title since someone is making a movie called "Totally Live Nude Girls." Maybe I can call my book, "Eat Leaden Death..." Yeah. That sounds good.
Oscar M. Mico asks: "When is 'Invasion of The B-Girls 2' coming out?"Oscar, probably in the year 2040. I don't know…I have half of it completed…I sort of lost interest for right now…
Harold Wones asks: "Why do you always stick JSFCN in envelopes? Have you ever considered a tri-fold format?"Hey, some of my readers are having a hard enough time, prying their copies out of the mailman's sticky little fingers with the contents hidden in an envelope. If your local postal carrier got a look at even a third of one of our pages, you'd never see your copy.
D.L. Prunkard asks: "What are your measurements? Got any kids? What are your values in life?"I'll give you a hint: My measurements are the same as Magic Johnson's locker combination. I don't have any kids that I know of. And my main values in life are at Pic-And-Save but, every so often, I find some good values at K-Mart.
Anthony Edwards asks: Do you know when 'Prisoners' is going to be released?"Anthony where have you been? Have you not been reading your JSFCN? 'Prisoners' is now called 'Caged Heat 2', available on Laser Disc and Tape. (This is a trick they do to us all the time in B-Movies. You think you're starring in "Whispers of the Sand" and, by the time it comes out, you're the star of "Attack of the Gazonga Bimbos."
Chuck McCleary asks: "Hey, what happened to 'Hollywood Hot Tubs 3'?"They renamed it "Attack of the Gazonga Bimbos." No, actually, the producer and I had a little misunderstanding. He didn't warm up to the concept of the star getting paid. (That BASTARD! -Ed.)
Gerald Tilley asks: "I heard a rumor you were putting out trading cards. Is that true? How about bookmarks?"Yes, you can use trading cards as bookmarks, Gerald. (Actually, something I've never figured out is why the store near me sells bookmarks for a dollar and a half. Why not just use a dollar as your bookmark and save fifty cents?) We were going to do trading cards a while ago but things got in the way. You know how it is.
Wilson Wong asks: "Did you do any of your own stunts in "Caged Heat 2?" You looked very good. Remind me never to make you angry, because I bruise and nosebleed easily…"I did all my own stunts, Wilson and not by choice. When we got to the scene where my character has to swim past the boats' propellers with the grenade launcher, I said, "Gee, that will be exciting. Who's my stunt double?" And they looked at me like, "Stunt double? They cost money!" So I wound up doing it. I wound up getting some stitches in my arm when I swam too close to the propellers, too. I'll bet Meryl Streep doesn't have to do this stuff.
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Vol. 1 No. 10Rats again squared! Issue 10 had no mailbag! |
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Vol. 1 No. 11Check it out! Issue 11 was ALL fan questions and Jewel's answers. Here are some highlights.Michael Roegner of Danville, IL: “So, can you wash your car without using your hands?”Only a Honda Civic or smaller. Anything larger than that, I send over to Becky Le Beau. By the way, Michael…can you pin-stripe a car without using your hands?
Dan Lewis of Sacramento, CA: “As a kid, what was your favorite possession, i.e. toy, book, bike, etc.?”My favorite thing in the whole world was Lamby, a second-hand, white stuffed lamb toy with thinning fur that I found in a Goodwill store when I was five. I kissed it two billion times a day until, finally, Lamby turned green with slobber. My mother decided to wash him and the rinse cycle turned out to be a death sentence for my beloved lamb. She tried to sew Lamby back together but you all know about Humpty Dumpty. Somehow Lamby was never quite the same after he became Franken-Lamby.
Dan, again: “If you could be an Olympic Champion, in which event would it be?”I'd like to win the gold medal in the Fifty-Yard Kevin Costner Gangbang event.
Patrick Huber of Anaheim, CA (Why does that name sound familiar? -ed.): “If the past is the past and NOW is now the past, but you're only concerned with the future, what happens when you cross the International Dateline?”You miss all your soaps.
Dan, again, again: “Are you getting tired of reading these questions yet?”Not as tired as you're getting of these answers.
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Vol. 1 No. 13Mike Roegner of Danville, IL: “Will we ever see a Jewel Shepard calendar?”I would love there to be a Jewel Shepard calendar. There's just not a lot of demand. 99% of the world knows who Claudia Schiffer is and less than one one-millonth of a percentage knows who I am so they buy her calendars. On the other hand, I feel sorry for her because she has to sleep with David Copperfield.
Dan Lewis of Scramento, CA: “If you were able to travel to any time period in history what period would that be and why?”I wish I could go back to the twenties, they had great art deco, tile, homes, portrait photographers, French nude postcards, and Valentino. Next to Kevin Costner, Valentino is my favorite person.
“What's your favorite quote of all time?”“Methinks thou art a shithead.” I saw it in back of a car with a Harvard decal on the window.
“Which do you like better, Mr. Ed or Arnold the Pig?”They don't compare with the king of all four-legged animals. Poppy-claus. That's my dog Popcorn in her Santa suit. Popcorn is ruler of the sofa in my living room, eater of a billion Hostess fat-free cupcakes, and the slug of my life.
Darryl Heine of Inverness, IL: “Were you ever once a scantily clothed Playboy Club Bunny?”I wasn't old enough to be a Playboy Club Bunny back when they had Playboy Club Bunnies. If I had been, I would have signed up because I really liked the outfits, especially the tail. I wouldn't have liked the part about serving the drinks and I would have slugged anybody who touched my tail.
D.L. Prankard of Emmetsburg, IA: “Are you a long/mini/micro dress kind of gal?”I'm a blue jean girl. It's like the Neil Diamond song, “Forever in Blue Jeans,” except in this newsletter where I'm “Forever in a Bikini.”
“What essential traits do you want—in a man?”I think it's important that he starred in Dances With Wolves.
“What is your very best recipe—for home-cooking?”Not cooking. Delivery by Wok Fast...but if I'm home here's my absolute favorite:
Joseph Michalowski of San Diego, CA: “What was the best day of your life?”The day I finish this newsletter.
Mike Mainey of Alexandria, VA: “What makes you laugh?”My pay check.
Ken Schaeffer of Worth, IL: “What's the best thing you ever got from a fan?”Well, I get lots of great things...but I would have to give special thanks to those of you who actually found and sent me my favorite of all collectables...Hula Dolls.
Brian Ball of Van Buren, AR James Beaty of Fairfax, VA Dan Lewis of Sacramento, CA sent me more than my little P.O. Box could handle of those plaster-bobbing beauties... |
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Vol. 1 No. 14There were no questions in Issue No. 14. |
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Vol. 1 No. 15There were no questions in Issue No. 15. |
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Vol. 1 No. 16Chris Hancock of North Highlands, CA: “Your book If I'm So Famous... left me with a few questions. What do you do to relax? Fish? Fishing in LA???”The only fishing in L.A. is at sushi restaurants. The photo here is of me fishing in Kauai, where I caught fifteen rainbow bass, five large-mouthed bass, twenty small-mouthed bass and one insurance salesman from Yonkers.
“Did you ever get a decent agent?”No, I'm using one of the large-mouthed bass. They don't take ten percent and they smell better.
Did you really spray paint B's on your body for the pictures?I wanted to but the photographer insisted on finger-painting. (Actually, they were projected on me.)
Stephanie H. Piro of Farmington, NH: “Have you ever tried a sitcom? I think a sitcom about an actress struggling in B Movies would be great.”I think any sitcom with me in it would be great. I thought I should have had the lead in “Cybill” but they insisted on casting a woman actually named Cybill. And she doesn't even spell “Shepherd” right.
Phillip Chiu of Menlo Park, CA: “Would you still like Kevin Costner if you found out he wore a toupee?”Some questions are best left unanswered.
“If you had a genie's lamp and he gave you three wishes, what would they be?”I'd like to win the Lotto three times over.
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Vol. 1 No. 17Rob Clark asks: "What's your favorite pick-up line in an Alzheimers bar?"Sorry, Rob I can't remember it.
Doug Dunaway asks: "Is there a fate worse than turnips?"Yes, there is: Broccoli and answering silly questions.
"What's a six letter word that starts with "I" and means 'to attack violently with words'?"The answer is "idiot" if you spell it wrong.
"Who has the largest floating pen collection in California?"Well Doug, I'm so glad you asked. I do. I have about six hundred of the little floaters. Everywhere I go, whether it be to the zoo or to Egypt, I grab a pen. I become mesmerized by the floating monument or animal or train or boat in my pen and I stare at it for hours. Soon I begin having fantasies about becoming a pen. My friends all think it is weird, but everywhere they go, they remember to pick up a floating pen for me and bring it home. So I can stare at it for hours and dream of becoming a pen. I also want to be in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the largest collection of floating pens anywhere. The current record holder has 50,000 of them so I only have 44,401 to go in order to beat the record. I figure that at least a thousand of them will have me on them.
Patrick Grant asks: "Is there really an Oliver Stone or is he actually a conspiracy?"Actually Grant, there are two Oliver Stones. One is this guy who sits behind a grassy knoll and directs movies like JFK and NIXON. The other is a guy who hangs out in a school depository and takes a shot at directing.
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